Divorce Another Phase of Life

Written by :
Reem ALsheikh

Marriage is a time of happiness and laughter, joy and grief, even tears and whining, and it could end up in pain and disappointment if the “divorce” happens.

I was sitting with friends when a conversation caught my attention, one of them was divorced and she was talking to me about situations she has been suffering from on daily basis that ached her, just because she is ”divorced”.

She told me, for example, one day on a doctor’s visit with her sister, the doctor liked her and offered to marry her, she reacted only with silence, because she was ashamed to tell him she was divorced.

While she was speaking, I had some ideas in my mind, ”divorced”… yes, she is divorced, why would she feel shame?

What is wrong with that? I felt her reaction was the result of accusations from people and ruthless society.

She told me that she had decided to start a new job to revive her life, but her brother prevented her firmly making hideous excuses, ”you want to bring shame on us?”, ” do you want people to know that we have a divorced woman in our house?”, ” only God knows your intentions for going out to work!”, ” everyone thinks you are suspicious, and we want no scandals”.

All this has caused her disappear and enter a state of constant conflict with parents, people and the uncivil community.

I had a bunch of questions in my head…

Who allowed them to close the doors of her life?

Who prevented her moon to shine, and stab her in heart?

Who said the divorced woman is soulless, senseless, and worthless? 

Who said she is a burden that we should get rid of?

Was that the life she was waiting and wishing for?

She interrupted my wondering mind to shock me about what happened to her a while ago, an old man proposed to her, he was 20 years older than her, she could not accept the idea, and she turned him down, leading to problems with her family, and the most shocking thing was her mother’s attack on her, ”You are divorced, so who do you think is going to propose to you?”.

She continued talking with a vanquished breath, it was obvious she was exhausted and devastated, she told me a secret about her: That there was a young man who loved her and she loved him back, and when he came into her life, she felt that he was the peace and comfort that she had always expected, but her happiness was incomplete, because when the young man told his parents about his desire to marry her, he was attacked with a lot of harsh words, ”if she was a good woman she would have not been divorced!”.

Who gave them the right to exclude her personality, her opinion and her rights? To judge her life story and her fate with divorce?  

How did everyone admit she was guilty? And marriage is the only solution in which women deserve respect? And who decided that the end of marriage turns women to become flawed and undervalued? A disgraced to be ashamed of?

I was touched by her bitter story, about the injustice that happened to her, and I did not know what to say, but I answered her, and I was afraid to make her feel my despair and disappointment, ”unfortunately my friend, this society can tolerate moral decay, and would not accept the idea that a divorced woman may be an oppressed woman!”.

The divorced woman is a mother and a wife who was destined to end up in an unfortunate path that breaks up her family and throws her into the arms of oppression, and puts her in the prey’s place, suffering from society. 

No doubt, my friend, it is a difficult time full with pain and obstacles, ruining all joys in life, sorrowing suffocates the soul that was once eager for joy and life.

This divorce was a heartbreak for her, a lot of gossip that she was the reason of the divorce, about her failure to protect this marriage because the flaw was in her, a lot of drama and a lot of oppression.

   Unfortunately, many believe life is over when divorce occur, but if they think a little bit, they would see the opposite, maybe it is another phase of life, a rescue from a hideous life, divorce is not a death sentence.

I was determined to save her so she could love herself, to escape the dark cell they put her in, I told her firmly: be a master in recovering, erase all your last memories, be strong and cherish yourself, set off for life, do not hide, face it all, what is most important is to banish all the recollections of the past.

Do not let people’s grudge influence your life and heart, and do not try to justify your decision by divorce, do not fall into self-condemnation, make new relationships, and make your soul a bird full of optimism, set sail your ship of life with strong faith in God to your pleasure, happiness comes from within yourself

Lose the memory of your past, be strong and take pride in yourself

Community Verified icon

Reem ALsheikh